Praise God!

God is so good! He just continues to bless us without ceasing! His love and protection are evident with each day that passes. My little Emily is now six days old and stronger than ever. We arrived at the hospital yesterday morning to find a surprise waiting for us in the NICU. Emily is now off her c-pap vent! My cup runneth over as I saw her beautiful little face peering up at me. I had only seen her for maybe five seconds in the operating room before they rushed her back to the NICU and had been longing to see that little face again ever since! It was hard to really see her little features with the c-pap and hat that held it in place. Now I could stare at her all day long and pretty much did just that! She has graduated to nasal canulas and hopefully won't be on them for very long. Her day nurse had quite a day readjusting them because Emily has her mind made up that she doesn't need them and has constantly pulled them out herself! While Wayne and I were visiting this afternoon we watched her pull them out of her nose and use them as a pacifier. I told you earlier she was a feisty one!

We have been blessed with wonderful doctors and nurses on the NICU staff so far but Emily's nurse yesterday has really been my favorite. She knows my need and longing to be near my baby. She seems to understand my desire to want to comfort and nurture my child while still feeling fear and hesitation about her tiny size. She reassured me that Emily does need me and knows when I am with her. Emily seems very alert when Wayne and I are with her and often opens her eyes and turns towards the sound of our voices. I had been told that I would not be able to hold her in kangaroo care until the central line in her belly button was removed, but today her nurse felt it was important for us both to spend some special time together and I got to hold her skin to skin. I sat with Emily like this for an hour and we both fell asleep... I will admit to being very sleep deprived lately! My emotions seem to keep me going round the clock and sleep has not come easy, but today holding little Emily felt like the most natural, peaceful thing and it wasn't long before I was dozing off with her in my arms. It must have sent Emily back to more familiar times as well hearing my heartbeat, breathing, etc. because her monitors had never looked better the whole time I held her! Wayne was a little weary of trying it yesterday but after a little nagging and a few nudges has promised to give it a try today. Emily's night nurse told us that most Dads feel this way at first but once they try it they end up doing it everyday! I can't tell you how wonderful it was to hold her, smell her and kiss her little face!

Now, we've been told over and over again the past several days that you can never trust a preemie and so along with all the good comes a little bad. Emily's bilirubin numbers went up so we are spending some time in photo therapy. This is really no big deal, in fact a lot of full term babies have jaundice and require some time under the lights. Emily doesn't like it and seems to be a bit restless but it's only for a few days. She basically just lays under a really bright light so the pigment in her skin can be broken down and eliminated through her wet and dirty diapers. It's like taking a mini vacation to the beach... she even has these goggles she has to wear to protect her eyes. We were joking about how fashionable they were and Wayne promised to buy her some better sunglasses someday and the nurse told us they cost about the same as two pairs of Oakley sunglasses... it seems we've got top of the line baby goggles now!

Yesterday was such a good day. It started out with a great surprise and Wayne and I are overjoyed and so proud of the progress Emily has made. She really is holding steady and right now just knowing that is what we need to sustain us through these difficult days. Emily has continued to have a few episodes with apnea and there has been some talk about measures that may need to be put in place in order to help resolve these bradys. We may be starting a caffeine IV or going back to the c-pap. I called last night to check on Emily before going to bed and started missing her all over again so Mom drove me up there to be with her for her eleven o'clock feeding. I held her and fed her and then convinced Mom to hold her for the first time (she's been nervous about her tiny size and the entourage of wires and monitors). Mom held her for a long time while we talked with the nurse and then Emily had a brady. A bad one. I watched the monitor as her heart rate went from 156 to 50 in less than five seconds. The nurse really had to work, thumping Emily's feet, in order to get her to take a breath. It was really scary for Mom and I... we had heard that earlier that day Emily had to be picked up during a brady and turned over in order to remember to breathe... seeing it first hand really rattled us. I know this is something that will only get better as Emily grows. I constantly am reminded that she shouldn't be here now... she should have had ten more weeks to grow and develop safely inside me. She's premature and her little body is not capable of working like a full term baby. She needs patience and time to catch up. Those are the two hardest things for me to give her. I want her healthy right now and don't like the thought of having to wait ten weeks to get there. Thus the peaks and valleys... a good day off c-pap, a bad day of bradys... praise and elation over the good and frustration with the waiting. I guess tonight we all need prayers. For Emily, continued steady progress and a decline in bradys. For me, patience and strength to get through the highs and lows which I am learning can change with a five second brady. As always though I praise God that Emily could be born at thirty weeks and be as strong and healthy as she is... the fact that she is even here is a miracle in and of itself. There is no limit to what God can do and he will see us through this... I just need to lean on him and trust that his perfect timing is all I want.

I forgot to mention that Emily had her first bath today, and is now wearing a cute little bow! You know a girl is never too young to accessorize!!