Lately I feel like I can't even look at Emily without praising God for his loving kindness. Years ago when Wayne and I got married my sister gave us a beautiful frame with the verse from Jeremiah 29:11... This is the verse so many of us know by heart, "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord... to give you a future and a hope." It hangs in our breakfast room where we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have read it countless times over the years but only now am I truly coming to appreciate the meaning in those words.
I was raised in a Christian home so it has always been easy to 'talk the talk' if you will, but only since Emily's birth have I been so challenged to really 'walk the walk.' I know it sounds odd, but for me I guess since I grew up knowing Christ and all the Bible stories I have somehow taken it all for granted. Not a proud admission on my part but I just never had anything so bad happen that I HAD to rely on his promises. Sometimes I envy people who have come to Christ later in life. They know the exact moment they accepted Him in their hearts and were forever changed. For me, since it was always around, there was no profound, exact moment. It's almost like my acceptance with Christ just fell into place, a part of growing up. Not that I never had a relationship with Christ before all this, it was just different, hard to put into words I guess.
With Emily the only thing I could do was pray and trust in His faithfulness. And pray and trust I did as each new hurdle seemed to knock me off my feet each time I felt things start to settle down so we could catch our breath and breathe again. I know that really what we have been through lately has been nothing compared to the trials of others. I haven't had to watch one of my babies lay dying, or experience the great pain and emptiness of having to give them back to the Lord. At the time it was all heart wrenching, horrible days and nights, but now I can put it in perspective and let out a huge sigh of relief. It really wasn't that bad. (Not that I ever want to go through it again.) From all that goes along with having a preemie, the tubes and wires supporting life, to the fear of cancer, my thyroid surgery (that certainly has left it's ugly mark... always there each time I glance in a mirror or catch my reflection in a window somewhere), to the possibility of hearing loss, the susceptibility of every germ reaking havoc on an immature immune system, all the therapy sessions, the tweaking of medications just to see us through each new day, and the fear of spina bifida and it's dangerous effects, I can honestly say we have been blessed. It all could have turned out much worse.
I guess it is a little easier now that we have been through all these struggles to see a little light at the end of the tunnel, especially since we have been given the gift of great news lately and are starting to see huge strides towards progress. My dear friend Cindy just recently gave us a beautiful picture of Emily that she took when we first brought her home from the hospital. She has an amazing gift of capturing the moment and the emotion in her stunning photographs. I am overwhelmed at this amazing photo of my teeny, tiny baby. It brings tears to my eyes just looking at it and remembering. We have truly come so far. I am constantly being reminded lately that hanging on to the truth in God's word, trusting Him with whatever comes is so rewarding in the end. He IS working it all together for our good. So, thanks for hanging in there with me, I know this has been a long rambling post but I couldn't help but share my coming out of the refiner's fire with a deeper understanding of His amazing faithfulness.
I know all our children are miracles, unbelievable gifts from our loving Father. But I haven't been able to help myself from whispering in my little Emily's ear lately what a true little miracle she is and just how much she is loved by her Heavenly Father. There is something extra special about her and I just can't wait to watch and see what blessings will come of her life. Praise Him! Praise Him!
Here's a few recent pics of our girls. Both a great source of joy and pride for their Daddy and me. We're heading to the pumpkin farm tomorrow and Cindy is bringing her camera... I can't wait to see the images I will treasure in her photos. I am so grateful she has been so willing and eager to share her gift with us... I know she is reading this, so Thank You Cindy! Make sure to check back for pictures of my little punkins at the pumpkin farm!
