In All Things Thankful

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the simple things. Be thankful in all the ways the Lord has blessed us, whether through saving you from something terrible that's lurking around the corner unseen, using an experience to draw you ever closer to His side during the event, or forcing you to walk through the fire to change you, refine you, into someone better, so much so that after you look back at your old self and pray you never slump back into that person again. These are things in which to be thankful.

Tonight my heart is heavy, weighed down by news of a student I had a few years back so troubled she chose to end her own life in a tragic way this week. And of a friend of a dear friend who tried for more than three years to have a baby only to finally realize her dream and then lose her precious Jonathon at 23 weeks gestation. Wayne and I have also received some news recently that has my heart and mind at war with each other. I just can't seem to rise above the sadness that seems to be everywhere in my life right now. It's well past 2 AM and although I should be sleeping, so I can keep up with the girls tomorrow, I find myself at the computer. Writing has always been cathartic for me.

I just snuck into Lila's room and spent a few minutes just watching her sleep. She is always so peaceful and I wonder what she is dreaming about. I said a little prayer over my sweet girl and then snuck into Emily's room to do the same. With Emily I always watch her breathe and remember just how lucky, just how blessed, I am to have my baby daughter Emily. When she was in the NICU I made my routine call to check on her each evening before collapsing into bed for the night. I vividly remember a few nights where I just couldn't settle my mind because the heart of this mommy needed to see that chest rise and fall, those life sustaining breaths, first with the vent and then later, on her own... the need was so great that I would drive back up to the hospital and sit there in the middle of the night just watching my precious baby breathe.

I am a blessed woman. I knew that when I found my Wayne, and was reminded of it again yesterday when I rushed out the door late for a doctor's appointment and backed my new car right into his truck. I quickly called him out to show him what I had done and he merely replied, "It's only cars. They can be fixed. All that matters is that you're okay." Wow, he took that really well. I've said it before but he keeps me going. He's never angry. He's strong and faithful, wise and funny. I am thankful for him.

Each of my girls are a blessing as well. And each has taught me great lessons in their short life. Two difficult pregnancies, two difficult lessons learned, and two perfect, beautiful girls that are a source of great joy, pride and delight for their Daddy and I.

Lila is my best friend, aside from her father, and I am her's. She tells me often, "Mommy you are my very best friend ever!" It melts my heart every time. She is my first born. And with her growing inside me I had to learn how to be brave and strong. Six weeks on bedrest here at the house and then three more in the hospital taught me how to be brave and strong and how nothing was more important than your child. After her brief stay in the NICU she came home with me. My complications were far from over but she was so beautiful and healthy nothing else mattered to me. God used Lila during my experiences bringing her into this world to draw me closer to him.

Eighteen months later when my baby girl arrived far too early I was rattled, okay maybe terrified is a better word, but Lila and God had already instilled in me the strength and bravery I needed to face that day and the many long days and weeks that followed. Looking back, I don't know how on earth I did it, but I was there for every touch time I could make, even when Emily was too small and too fragile to even be touched. I sat by her isolet wanting so badly to hold her in my arms and kiss her little cheek. A few days later I got to do just that, and she was the teeniest, tiniest, most perfect, little thing I had ever laid eyes on. This lesson was the hardest of all but the one I am most grateful for. With Emily I had to walk through a very long, difficult journey with many ups and downs and the scariest moments of my life thus far. But now I look back and see it for what it was... a walk through fire that brought me to my knees, experiencing all of God's promises, His faithfulness, His goodness, His grace and His mercy. I walked through that fire but I never got burned. We were always in the palm of His hand, safe and sound.

So as my heart breaks for the parents I know that aren't getting to live the life they had planned, I still see God at work. He has answered their prayers, maybe not in the way they would have liked but He is here amongst all this sadness. He sometimes asks very difficult things of us, but there is a reward in that submission. I love Him more now than I ever have my whole life. He taught me valuable lessons through my darkest days and I wouldn't change a thing. I will always be thankful for the blessings that I get to sneak in and pray over as they dream and breathe.

Psalm 126:3
"The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy."
In All Things Thankful Indeed!