Pictures of Lila...

You can probably tell that Elmo is our new best friend! We dance with him, feed him, bathe him,, sleep with him, etc... We haven't made it to the big neighborhood pool just yet but we did blow up Lila's alligator pool for fun in the backyard... notice Elmo in the pool... then it was off to the bath where we used our soap crayons to put on make-up?!?!?

Growing Girl!

Just a quick update... Emily is almost 12 weeks old. At her last weight check she was up to 5 lbs. 6 oz.... almost 5 1/2 pounds!!! We've also moved up in the world of diapers. She's now in a newborn size!! The preemie diapers still fit the best but the newborns hold more... if ya know what I mean!! I've posted her progression from her first NICU diapers, to preemies and now finally Newborns!! Laugh all you want at my silly celebration but we jump for joy with each little gram she gains!!

My Lila Seanne

It seems that the past few months we have been so focused on Emily that I haven't shared much about Lila. She has been so amazing through this whole process and I have been so, so proud of her! She had a few rough spells when Emily was in the hospital having her mom and dad gone so much and not being there when she woke up in the morning or went to bed at night but since we have been home she's been great! She has always been such a loving little girl often taking time out of playing to come give us a quick hug and then it's right back to what she was doing. She is such a good big sister and will be an amazing friend to Emily. Everyone told us it would be hard on her to share our attention and affection with another little person but so far she has not been jealous at all and our only problems have been when she wants to love on her sister a little too much!

Our schedule and routine has changed drastically with Emily's early arrival and unfortunately I have had to have Lila sequestered here with us at home. There are no more play dates, play groups or trips to the park on nice afternoons. We don't get to go run errands, shop the mall and get ice cream or a smoothie for being good. It's pretty much Noggin on TV and playing in the backyard. We've replaced play dates with friends with tea parties with Elmo and the rest of our stuffed animal entourage. It's a lot of cooking in our play kitchen and 'helping' to cook our dinner each evening. Sometimes I feel bad that we are stuck here on beautiful days when we could be out having fun, but she's been a trooper through it all! We've had to miss birthday parties and her favorite of all...bible class at church! I try to make each day around the house fun and exciting but there are a lot of days when I am bored out of my mind and I know she must be as well!

I'll post some pictures of our 'fun times' around the house tomorrow but Emily is up from her nap so that's all for today!

The Big Day... Or Should Have Been!

Today, May 21, 2007 is the day that our little Emily was supposed to be joining our family. She should be hours old but instead she is almost 2 1/2 months old. It's amazing how fast it all has gone! We are so blessed to have Emily in our lives and pray that she will continue to greet each new day with strength and courage. This is the prayer I pray for her each day...
Dearest Lord, Give my little Emily victory and be her shield. Guard her course and protect her way. ~Proverbs 2:7-8.
I know God will continue his protection over us all and that all the hurdles the specialists have told us will be in our path will be mere drops in the bucket for Emily is special and God has great plans for her future. Once again let me thank you all for your thoughts and prayers throughout this journey of Emily's life.

P.S. It looks like Emily already has a sweet tooth! We love chocolate around here and love that Uncle Brandt works for Hersheys!

What a Week!

Lila has been sick, quite miserable, with a bad cold and croup. She has been on steriods and breathing treatments for a week now. We have been keeping the girls as far away from each other as possible because we are told that the common cold could still be life threatening for Emily. My hands are dry and cracked from all the times I have washed my hands and my washer and dryer hasn't had much of a break from all the sheets, blankets and clothes I have been washing trying to keep my house as clean as possible. I have even been changing my shirt each time I tend to Lila and then make it back to Emily... it's been a bit of a whirlwind and I thought we were just about over the worst until Wayne came down with a version of Lila's ailments and now we are starting all over again! So far Emily has not come down with anything. We are watching her closely and so is our ped. He even put her on an extra dose of vitamins for the next few weeks to boost her immune system as much as we can.

Emily had her two month check up last week. She still doesn't even register on the preemie scale for her weight which concerns the doc so we are adding more calories with the fortified milk to her bottle feeds hoping she can catch up soon. She currently weighs 5 lbs. 3 oz. at 2 1/2 months old, Only gaining 5 oz. in three weeks (she should be gaining a little more than an ounce a day). At Lila's recent 18 month appointment she weighed in at 20 lbs. 4 oz. still in the 1 percentile for her weight so it could be that Emily is following in her sisters footsteps! She also got her shots, six of them, and the lovely rotavirus drink that she spit out all over me! The shots were terrifying for all involved. The nurse wasn't sure if Emily was big enough to get them having no fat in her legs and little muscle. She double checked got the go ahead and proceeded with the shots. Emily screamed like never before, her little cries usually sound more like a kitten than a baby, and after the third stick turned from purple to white and then passed out on us. Of course I freaked out but the nurse KEPT GOING!! Emily wasn't moving or crying and after the sixth shot the nurse finally got concerned and geared up for infant CPR... At this point I'm no longer freaked out but completely hysterical. After a few seconds and several thumps to the bottom of her foot Emily started crying and I scooped her up in my arms. The nurse went out to find the doc and I started throwing all the things Lila had scattered around the room back into my diaper bag for a quick getaway. The doc convinced us stay for 15 minutes to make sure Emily was okay. A nurse had to come in every five minutes and thump the bottom of Emily's foot to stimulate crying. She never did get her color back and there was talk of sending us to the hospital for observation but in the end they granted my request to just take her home. By the time we left the ped.'s office Emily's legs were swollen to twice their size. I was told she was too small for home administered Tylenol but it seemed like all would be fine since she was sleeping at the time, little did I know two hours later would be a completely different story. Emily woke up later that day screaming. If I held her she screamed, if I put her down she screamed even louder. Her legs were continuing to swell and I felt helpless. I tried rocking her, walkig with her, bouncing, singing, you name it! I called the NICU they told me to call the doc right away. We ended up back in his office for Tylenol and observation. The doc couldn't have been more apologetic and even called later that day to make sure we were all alright! What a start to our weekend!!

There is some good news from last week... I had my appointment with the endocrinologist and after three hours in her office we decided to run more tests, schedule another biopsy, ultrasound guided this time and on both lobes to check both tumors, and canceled my surgery until we can get all these results! Needless to say I am so relieved! She couldn't promise surgery was not necessary and can't rule out cancer just yet but wanted to gather more information before sending me to surgery and removing my whole thyroid. For now I am happy to wait! Besides, things need to slow down around here before more chaos comes our way!

Home

We have been home for two weeks now. Mom was here for the first week and I have now made it through my first official week alone... Can you say EXHAUSYED? Apparently I'm so tired I'm having a hard time spelling it! Wayne took Lila out for the afternoon so I could sleep and I'm waiting for my ambien to kick in so I can rest up for another long week!

My surgery is scheduled for May 22nd so things are about to get pretty hectic again.. with endocrinologists appointments (i'm having a second and third opinion because I REALLY don't want the surgery), pre-op paperwork, labs, etc. and I have my final appointment with Dr. Petrovski. Emily also has several appointments next as well... she is seeing the audiologist (because it took her four time to pass the screening at the hospital) and a couple of weight checks (she is no longer doing so well with her feedings). If everything goes according to my doctor's plan (I'm still holding out for no surgery) then I'll be in the hospital for the surgery for four days and three nights and come home on some serious painkillers. I've heard the surgery is quite painful..then throw two babies in the mix... I hope he gives me a refill... or two!! Please keep us in your prayers a little longer! The thyroid must be removed because it is the only way to be sure its not cancerous.. I'm just hoping one of the endocrinologists will have a better plan.. doubtful I'm sure but I'm holding out hope. We're really not looking forward to this next chapter in the story of Emily's birth. But what must be done... must be done!

Thyroid Update

Just a quick update on my thyroid situation... My doctor is referring me to an endocrinologist for a second opinion since my case is so unusual. The plan is still to remove the left side of my thyroid since the cyst/tumor is so large. The biopsy and other tests done thus far have come back benign but they are only about 85% accurate and my doctor is still quite concerned because the mass is so large. The only way to know with 100% certainty that the mass is not cancerous is to remove that part of the thyroid and have pathology look at it. The endocrinologist will help us determine what should be done about the right side of my thyroid. It has a small mass but my doctor is hopeful they can save it which will spare me from a lifetime of taking thyroid medication and decrease the risk of damage to my vocal chords during the surgery. More than likely (unless the endocrinologist disagrees) the plan will be to remove the left side of the thyroid and perform a biopsy of the right during the surgery. Should that come back cancerous or inconclusive they will go back and remove the right side a few days later. Again the biopsy will not tell us for certain that the cyst/tumor is benign so this is really the hard part in the decision making process. Ah, What to do?!?!? I've called two different endocrinologists and neither can see me until the third week in May so we have a while to stew over our decision. The good news is we will have several weeks to soak up little Emily and enjoy her homecoming before we tackle yet another phase in this whole process. Pray we will gain new insights from the endocrinologist and the decision will be clear and easy for Wayne and I to make regarding full or partial removal of my thyroid.

By the way... Emily went to see the pediatrician yesterday and got an At on her report card. She is doing very well and has even gained a few ounces since leaving the hospital. She goes back for another weight check in two weeks so we can track her progress. She is taking after her sister, being small for her age, not even showing up on the preemie curve for her weight but we'll get there!!

Happy Homecoming!

After five exhausting weeks in the NICU we were able to bring our little Emily home. Our whole NICU experience was a whirlwind of emotions and steady progress. As we look back at pictures of Emily's first few days and weeks we are in awe of what our Great Lord has done! In Emily's first few days we were merely spectators in her life, not being able to hold her and our touch not soothing and comforting to her delicate skin. In no time at all we were able to hold her but oh so gently because of all the tubes and wires that accompanied her tiny body. We progressed to yet another phase where we felt a little more at ease as we held her and fed her having lost the tubes and wires helping her to breathe. Towards the end of our stay we were required to be more 'hands on' to get familiar with our new little baby and her special care. Now we are home, the final phase, and I find myself holding my breath all over again! I find myself constantly watching her little chest rise and fall both nervous and excited about her breathing on her own without the monitors. With each feeding we make sure she gets down the required 40 ccs in the 30 minute time frame so that she doesn't burn more calories eating than she consumes. Now it's all on us.. there isn't a nurse to take over or a gavage tube to make sure she gets down her minimum requirement. It is a very nervous and exciting time but all is well. Dreams do come true for I have dreamed and longed... my heart ached for this moment... the moment I could leave that hospital for the last time and bring our sweet baby home with us at last! Now I finally have my family together. We are doing very well, Emily adjusting to the loving "pokes" from her big sister and the squeals Lila makes when Emily moves after her poke. Yes Lila, she is a REAL baby! She pretty much sleeps all day and has to be woken up every three hours to eat. Four of her eight feeding each day are with a bottle so that she can get fortified milk (extra calories) and vitamins that turn her milk a lovely shade of green. Bottle feeding Emily can be a little difficult because she has a hard time pacing herself, choking easily and thus forgetting to breathe. There is a certain way in which we have to hold her for these feedings and that in itself is unnatural and adds to the difficulty. All in all we are all adjusting to her special care and getting use to life with a preemie. She sleeps with an apnea monitor, more for my own peace of mind than her needs but I know without it Wayne and I would be getting very little if any sleep at all.

Our discharge instructions had a long list of doctors we will need to follow up with in the next few days, weeks and months. Emily's development will be watched carefully over the next two years until she catches up to other babies her same age. For now we are to always keep her adjusted or corrected age into consideration when hitting developmental milestones. We are told she will more than likely be three months behind when it comes to all the baby milestones such as holding her head up, crawling, walking, etc. Shortly before our discharge from the hospital we learned that Emily did in fact have a grade one brain bleed which was detected in her repeat neuro sonogram. If you remember the first sono was difficult to perform making it hard to get a good picture of her brain due to her overlapping sutures. We have been assured that a grade one bleed is really nothing to be too concerned about. Grades one and two could possibly mean delays in development and learning disabilities. Bleeds of grades three and four could lead to mental retardation, cerebral palsy or even death so we feel fortunate to be on the bottom of the scale. We were told the bleed most likely happened in her first few days of life when her brain was working so hard to try and figure out how to regulate her blood pressure, heartbeat and breathe on her own. Needless to say our hearts were troubled over this news but I know in my heart she will be able to overcome any developmental obstacles and delays this may put in her future. The morning of our discharge she passed her hearing screening (on her fourth attempt) and we joyfully marked our appointment with the audiologist off our list. God was faithful and good to us once again with this great news! The pediatric ophthalmologist could not make it to the hospital for her eye exam before discharge ( I was a little eager to get my baby home) so we had our first outing this morning to his office for the exam. As expected the blood vessels in her eyes are not completely formed yet but "are well on their way" according to the doc. We will follow up with him in two months. We will also be seeing a Developmental Pediatrician so that Emily can be monitored for early detection of delays so that we can do whatever is necessary to get right back on track. We are ever mindful of the power our Great Lord has and rejoice in the blessings He has bestowed on our family. Emily has been a constant amazement to the doctors and nurses in charge of her care and we were told this week that her homecoming was two weeks early at the least. She has always hit the milestones they put in front of her in days, if not weeks ahead of their timeline. We are overwhelmed at the great love and faithfulness our God has for His sweet creation... the miracle of Emily. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers for our sweet baby. The Lord heard our cries and answered our prayers swiftly and diligently. His grace and mercy is unceasing. His steady hand always on us for protection and guidance, his loving arms around us to comfort and ease our burdens.

Not only has the Lord been merciful with Emily but with me as well. The ultrasound on my thyroid showed a mass of both fluid and tissue measuring 6cm on the left side and 2cm on the right. Basically my whole thyroid is a cyst/tumor. My doctor ordered further tests to determine if my thyroid was functioning and did a biopsy in his office. He told us surgery was necessary for the left side but he was hopeful he could save the right side of my thyroid. I was scheduled to have a thyroid imaging test done on Wednesday but Wayne and I decided to forgo this test when we learned I would not be able to nurse or be around my children for four days because of the radioactive iodine they use in the test which is emitted from the tissue that absorbs it. With Emily's discharge that same day I felt the test was too much to ask of me and decided to just schedule the surgery and have my whole thyroid removed. We found out this morning that my biopsy came back benign and the lab results show my thyroid is slightly overactive, which means it is functioning but having to work a little too hard. I have an appointment on Monday to discuss possible surgery and treatment. We are hopeful surgery will not be necessary. I am overwhelmed once again at all the kind words, thoughts, prayers, cards and emails as we have dealt with yet another unexpected hurdle with this whole thyroid situation. I will send out another update (hopefully our last one) on Monday when we meet with the doctor and decide our course of treatment from here. We look forward to the day when this is all behind us and we can settle into life as a family of four and enjoy our two sweet, precious girls!

I'm attaching a few pictures... Thanks Aunt Shannon for the cute bow! You know my motto... The bigger the bow the better!

Emily's Coming Home!

Samantha and Wayne are at the hospital, so it's up to me to give you an Emily update!

The last few days have gone by very fast for us. We have been excited. We have been apprehensive. And today we have been on overload.

Over the weekend, the nurses started hinting that Emily might be getting ready to go home soon. It all started Saturday afternoon when little Miss Emily reached up and pulled out her feeding tube - again - and the nurse practitioner decided to put her to the test and see if she could manage all eight feedings. Surprise - she did!! So, much to our amazement, Emily is scheduled to come home tomorrow! There are a few conditions such as no visitors and no going out for a while, but I think because Samantha and Wayne have been on the go so much the past five weeks this will be very easy for them.


Emily now weighs 4 pounds, 8 ounces.

Emily passed the hearing test for her right ear, but failed the left ear. We are hopeful this was fluid or such.The test was to be repeated today, but we were so busy discussing other issues, we forgot to ask the results. I'll try to find out and let you know later.

Last night we took the mandatory CPR course for preemie parents. I was included out of pity! Thanks to the Gentry's for watching Lila, for I did learn quite a bit!

Today:
Samantha went to the doctor to find out about her thyroid. Bottom line - surgery to remove the left side, tests to decided what to do about the right side. Today she had a biopsy and bloodwork. Tomorrow morning they will do an in depth sonogram which will help determine the course of action. Hopefully on Friday we will get results and find out if all or just the left side of the thyroid needs to be removed. The results will also tell whether this needs to be done right away or if we can wait another month or two. We spent much of the late afternoon setting everything up and trying to figure out what this means to Emily, as the test tomorrow requires dye in an IV. Once again, I cannot say enough about the concern and compassion of the NICU nurses toward Samantha and her situation. They have been so helpful today, finding answers to our questions and support as well as solutions. I will never forget them and their wonderful care.

Tonight:
Samantha and Wayne are "rooming in" with Emily at the hospital all night as planned.

Tomorrow:
Emily may come home sometime in the afternoon. Emily may stay another day so Samantha and Wayne can recoup from today's overload.
I'm guessing Emily will come home tomorrow!!

We praise and thank God for all He has done for us.
We thank Him for giving us such a wealth of support in all of you.
Please pray for us tomorrow and for the tomorrows to come.
In closing, I want you to know how amazed I am at Samantha. As tough as today must have been, she showed incredible stregnth and resolve. Her main concern was and is how everything is going to affect Emily. Please join me in praying for her to enjoy Emily's homecoming to the fullest!

An Update from Mimi

I am sorry this has taken two days to write - time just seems to get away from us quickly.

Hello to all our family and dear friends -
Yesterday was Emily's very first Easter! She dressed up in her pretty yellow bunny dress, and two somebunnies gave her little bunnies to hang out with her in her isolet. She looked so precious, I wish you all could have seen how sweet she looked. We think we took a picture (but it was a hectic day) and if we did, we will try to email it out soon. It was also Samantha's birthday and Emily had a surprise for her mom hanging over her bed. She had helped her nurse Mary make a birthday card! She contributed two little handprints and two little footprints and I'm pretty sure she told Mary to write the birthday greeting. Sorry to bore you, but it was so nice. You see why we say God has sent special angels to care for all of us, not just little Emily!
Here's our latest praise list:
Emily is now in a regular isolet! Goodbye Omni bed, hello Holiday Inn! She is maintaining her body temperature all on her own!!
Emily is learning to eat very well, and is taking 2 feedings a day from her mom or a bottle. The rest of the feedings are still with the feeding tube. The nurse said the exhertion from one feeding is the same as us running 5 miles. This is the reason we are having to go slowly with only 2 feedings out of 8 - we have to conserve calories and gain weight instead of working it right off again!
As of last night, Emily weighs 4 pounds and 6 ounces, and is 18 and one quarter inches long. She is growing! They said the weight can fluctuate several ounces, depending on when they weigh her, but they want her to start gaining one half to one ounce a day now. It doesn't matter, as long as she stays on an upward curve. There is no magic weight for going home. It unfortunately is much more involved. Emily must be 5 days without a brady. We are not there yet, so please keep praying specifically for this. Also, she must be able to take her feedings without the gavauge - either from mom or the bottle. This will be the slowest because of what I mentioned above.
Last night, Samantha and I went to the hospital for Emily's 8:00 feeding and afterward her nurse Mary suggested that Samantha give Emily a bath! I wish you could have witnessed this event! We were nervous at the prospect, but Mary seemed to have such confidence in Samantha that she gave it a try. When you go to the NICU, you really never know what to expect. You may be told not to pick her up so she will be conserving calories, and you may be asked if you'd like to give her a bath! It occurs to me that this is where the nurses are so wonderful. They want the moms to learn to do the routine daily things and not be nervous because their baby is so tiny. They orchestrate things for success, and gently guide and help, the whole time making you feel as if you just accomplished the greatest feat! After the bath, we were even on our own (I saw Mary watching us on the other side of the curtain) to reattach all the monitors. Then we couldn't figure why the machine didn't start giving data. You have to laugh at how carefully and seriously you try to do everything just right, but forget to turn the machine back on!
We can't express to all of you how much we appreciate you. We thank you for the uplifting emails and for the encouraging phone calls. Most of all we thank you for the prayers.
We are so thankful Emily is doing so well. Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers.
Before I close, I want to ask for your prayers for Samantha. Because of the schedule she is keeping right now, I know she must be exhausted. One of Emily's nurses reminded Samantha that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Of course Samantha's main concern right now is Emily and getting Emily home.
Please pray for Samantha's health, for her appointment on April 17th, and for the peace that comes with taking one day at a time as we put our trust in Him for all things.

Baby Emily

Well, tomorrow my sweet baby girl will be three weeks old. She has continued to make great progress, amazing all her doctors and nurses! She currently weighs in at 3 lbs. 15 oz. and is trying to maintain her own body temperature. They have the top popped on her isolet on a trial basis and if she can keep up her temperature for a few days we will move to an open crib... I guess you don't have to guess what my birthday wish will be this year!! The twins that were keeping her company in the NICU have gone home and a flood of new babies have arrived. The NICU is bustling with eight babies, mostly all term babies with short stays, but it went from peace and quiet to lots of crying and beeping of alarms and monitors! I know eight babies doesn't sound like a lot but Centennial only has a 12 bed unit and this is the most babies they have ever had at once! The babies, parents, and staff are all adjusting to the swarm of new life requiring assistance. Emily is being such a good little girl back in her corner. I have been told the nurses fight over her with the start of each new shift because with the exception of bradys and feedings she just sleeps and doesn't make a peep! I have actually only heard her cry a handful of times and that has only been when they have been working on her. The other day she decided to pull out her gavage tube and was screaming mad when they had to put it back in her tiny nose! I know I have said this before but I love her little cry because it reminds me that she is here and feisty! I had to love this particular cry from the other side of the curtain though because it was just too hard to watch that procedure with Emily fighting it every step of the way! I have been told we are still looking at another four to five weeks before we make it home because we are still having bradys. If it weren't for those awful moments of forgetting to breathe and dropping her heart rate she would be coming home a couple of weeks sooner. So please help us pray that her nervous and respiratory systems will grow and catch up quickly so we can outgrow these bradys and bring our baby girl home sooner. There is nothing they can do for the bradys and apnea. Emily just has to grow and mature and eventually she will outgrow this terrible spell. She has been dubbed the 'Senior Citizen' of the NICU since she is now the baby that has been there the longest. It still breaks my heart but is endearing that the nurses try so hard to make me smile!

She just keeps getting more and more beautiful with each passing day (I'm not biased or anything)! Her little cheeks are starting to fill out and she is growing eyelashes! The cartilage in her ears is slowly but surely forming making the tiniest of ears perfect! She still has the teeniest little feet I have ever seen and small, delicate fingers. I am constantly amazed at God's good works. He could not have done a better job creating my beautiful Emily. Her tiny nose, sweet little mouth, and dark hair are just a few of my favorites!

I cannot tell you all how touched I have been by the calls we have received for updates since my last email. I will admit that several days this past week I felt as though I was hanging on by a thread. Although we have had nothing but good news with Emily it has been a slightly different story with myself. I noticed I still had a huge knot in my neck that I had been told over two months ago was a strained muscle by a nurse at the hospital during a 24 hour observation for high blood pressure and a terrible stomach bug. My doctor was quite concerned when I mentioned it to her last week and sent me for an ultrasound to see what was going on. I was preparing for either an under active or overactive thyroid and adding one more medication to the nice assortment I am already taking. Nothing goes as planned and we were told I had cysts on my thyroid. I have an appointment with a specialist in two weeks for a biopsy and we will discuss our course of treatment from there. Needless to say I have been quite discouraged with my body and the falling apart it seems to be doing at the present time. I am so thankful however that I can bear this burden instead of my sweet girls. I have prayed since Emily's birth that if something were to go wrong that it would happen to me and God would spare Emily from any further setbacks or discomfort. I am strong and can handle this as long as I keep my eyes on the Lord and my thoughts on his promises. Please keep us all in your prayers as we sort through yet another health crisis. Pray for Wayne specifically for this news has broken his strong spirit and made our rock crumble just a bit. Pray for his strength and faith for I can't get through a day without him. Pray for my mom who is taking such wonderful care of us all...cooking, cleaning, running errands and taking care of Lila. Our God is so good, faithful and true. He lifts my head off the pillow each morning and gives me the strength I know I don't have alone to get through each day and be the best mommy I can be to both my girls! Praise him for his goodness for he has not deserted us through this difficult trial. I feel so blessed to have so many who care and tend to our every need. Please continue to pray for us all! We appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Shoes Please!

Lila cracks us up these days... It's nice to get a good laugh in every once in a while! She is typical girl... very into shoes! She used to try on her Daddy's and parade around the house in my shoes (or try to parade around the house, we usually took a few tumbles). Lately she has been taking her own shoes off and on and off and on! My mom has bought her several new pairs since she has been in town and Lila could not be more proud of them!

Scary Day

These are a few pictures we took of Emily last night.

Yesterday I had a chance to speak with Emily's neonatologist and her occupational therapist. In the morning the neonatologist outlined the plan to get Emily back on track with her feedings. He said that we are past the seven to ten day mark when weight loss is acceptable but now we really should be turning it around and gaining weight slowly but surely. He ordered the HMF (Human Milk Fortifier) calorie pack back to her feedings putting her again at 22 calories per feed. He said they will monitor her closely to make sure she tolerates the change and go from there. Should she not do well with this again there is another medication they can give her to try and increase her weight. She has lost another 500 grams so at this point we need to add something to the milk in order for her to grow and come home! In the afternoon I met with Emily's occupational therapist. She was really nice and seemed to have a genuine concern for both Emily and myself. She explained Emily's developmental plan and how they would periodically be checking to make sure her muscles are growing and her sutures or plates in her head are shifting and separating as they should be. She told me Emily is very feisty for a baby of her gestational age and I am encouraged each time I hear that. It lets me know she is strong and fighting hard to come home to her family that loves her and misses her desperately.

Today was a little harrowing for me. I went up to the hospital at seven thirty this morning for Emily's first feeding with the day shift. Emily didn't do well with her feeding, throwing up five different times a yucky mixture of partially digested milk and mucus (sorry to be so detailed). Once it was so bad, she started choking and turning blue. I have always been so gentle and fragile with her ever mindful of her wires and tubes but when I saw her in distress I jumped out of my chair faster than I have moved in months and started screaming for a nurse while I flipped her over and pounded on her back. We got her to recover and they suctioned out the rest of the yuck from her nose and mouth. All was well until she did it all over again five minutes later. After her feeding I discovered the nurse had not read the orders to have Emily's pump set to 45 minutes which slows down the amount of time it takes for her milk to fill her tummy. (When they moved her gavage tube (feeding tube) from her mouth to her nose and increased her volume of milk they put her gavage on a pump instead of letting gravity push the milk through the tube). The pump had been set at 30 minutes but was changed several days ago when we first tried the HMF and failed. Emily's nurse today had the pump set back to 30 minutes, SO..... I don't know if Emily is still not tolerating the changes with her feedings or if she was sick from the milk being pushed into her little tummy much too quickly. It was so upsetting to me I had to leave but was so afraid to leave her, afraid of her throwing up and choking again without a nurse getting to her fast enough. The nurse practitioner on duty today listened to my fears and promised me she would watch her. I kissed my sweet Emily and laid her back in her isolet on her side just in case she did have another episode. I came straight home and sent Mom right back up there to sit with her through her next feeding. It's SO hard to not be in control. It's SO hard to watch Emily in these terrifying moments knowing I am not able to be by her side every minute of every day to protect her and watch over her. I know God is there and I trust that he will get nurses to her side in an emergency, it's just SO hard not to be there myself. It's SO hard to leave her in the care of others and trust that they will do everything right. Yesterday a baby boy was admitted to the NICU and this morning another one. They are both full term, huge babies ( 8 and 9 lbs.) with respiratory problems. Today around noon the NICU is expecting twins, I'm not sure their gestational age but know they are early. I'm afraid now that Emily is not so critical and these other babies are, that she will be overlooked and have another episode like today. Satan got to me and I have been playing the what if game all morning. What if I hadn't been there? For some reason her alarm did not go off when she started choking and gasping for air. Would the nurse have noticed? Would it have been in time? What if it happens again? How can I bear this?

Today continue to pray that I will find peace. Continue to pray for Emily's feedings and bradys. Pray for Wayne, Lila and Mom as they deal with me and my fears, uncertainty, aching heart and roller coaster of emotions. I sometimes forget that they might have a harder time than I because they are worried about Emily too and then have to deal with me on top of that! Pray for Emily's doctors and nurses. And pray for good news for me tomorrow as I have the ultrasound on my thyroid. I truly cannot handle one more thing on my plate right now... but then again God has been faithful. He hasn't let me down yet. He gets me up and out of bed every morning despite my exhaustion. If something is wrong, I know he will see us through yet again! I know I have said this before but I am so overwhelmed by the love he has poured out on me and my sweet baby... make that sweet babies... Lila seems to be handling all this so well... at least this week! I am just so proud of both my girls! Thank you for your prayers. God is hearing them and answering them faster than I imagined!

"Wait and See"

"We'll just have to wait and see." I have heard that expression too many times in the past two days. I hate having to 'wait and see'. Okay, so the past few days have been rough. Emily has had her first little setback and although it is a minor setback any setback at this point means she has to stay in the hospital longer. I can't bear the thought! We had been doing so well with breathing and feedings I was almost ready to pinch myself just to see if everything was real. Then Sunday night we had a slight turn for the worse with our feedings. Emily was up to an ounce per feeding with a calorie supplement adding an additional two calories to each feeding. We didn't do so well with the changes having loose stools, a distended abdomen and a residual of 9 ccs after her midnight snack (a residual is how much milk they can pull back out of the gavage tube right before her next feeding... basically how much milk she was unable to digest). By the next morning her tummy was hard and she had "abdominal loops" (actual loops in her intestines, it looked and felt like she had swallowed marbles). The neonatologist was called in and all feedings stopped until he could get over to the hospital to check her out. An x-ray was ordered to check the loops and the supplemental calories were stopped. Basically I was told that Emily was not ready for this next step and we needed to 'wait, let her catch up and see what happens from here'... ugh! Today Emily's girth still shows a distended abdomen but thankfully God answered my prayers yet again and the abdominal loops are gone. The neonatologist ordered an increase in milk volume so we can still get a few extra calories without having to add the calorie supplement. His plan is to "wait and see what happens." Emily has not done well today with this change either, she spits up quite a bit of her milk during each feeding and has a residual of 2-3 ccs after each feed. Also, she seems restless and has been making these sad little faces like she is hurting. This afternoon when I was holding her she kept making a pitiful little groaning sound. Her temperature had gone up when Wayne and I were with her tonight and I know she isn't feeling well. I am worried about what tomorrow has in store for us. We have been told that the next two weeks would be our slow time.... Emily just needs to eat and grow before we can move on to the hard stuff. Now I am discouraged that her feedings aren't going as planned which means we are not eating and growing, which means the hard stuff is now even further away. If we can't make it over this mole hill how will we climb the mountain? I know the answer to my own question... with faith as small as a mustard seed... yet still feel discouraged and overwhelmed. Emily hasn't gained an ounce in the past four days and still has a lot of catching up to do just to make it back up to her birth weight! Please pray specifically for her feedings and for the doctors as we are in this 'wait and see' holding pattern.

Please don't take my discouragment as anything more than a little discouragement. I spoke with a friend the other day that had twins born at 24 weeks weighing in at 1 lb. and 1 lb. 5 oz. They were in the hospital until they were 61/2 months and 10 months. I cried with my friend as she relived her nightmare with me, telling me of all the times they got calls in the middle of the night to get up to the hospital because one of the babies was about to die. She told me of countless conversations with doctors about how her babies would be mentally retarded and not be able to function in the world. Our conversation made me count my blessings and then count them all over again! I will admit this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through... if only I could have those kidney stones again... but the Lord is going to see me through. And I praise him that Emily was born at thirty weeks and not any earlier. It would have been a whole new wait and see game then. I was rejoicing and praising God for each new day and gained strength for Emily but now that we have hit a plateau, I feel Satan creeping in. My guilt over Emily's early arrival is overwhelming me. I can't hush the voices in mind... the what if I hadn't gone to Target that one time to buy Lila something, what if I hadn't walked down to the neighborhood playground the weekend before she was born, etc. etc. The situation is finally really starting to sink in and I am finding myself exhausted, physically and emotionally exhausted, as never before. I went to see my doctor this morning for a blood pressure check (yes, still having problems with high blood pressure). I couldn't stop crying in her office and it wasn't long before she was crying right along with me. Needless to say I left there with a diagnosis of post-partum depression and a prescription for antidepressents. Hopefully I will be back to feeling like myself soon. The past week and a half have been indescribable, full of guilt, fear, chaos, heart wrenching pain and sadness (and that's just the emotional distress). I told Mom and Wayne that I don't like the person I am starting to become. I am tired, I cry at the drop of a hat inconsolably, sometimes for hours, and yesterday I was so grouchy, and hate to admit this weakness, but I lashed out at people I love with words I'm sure stung and hurt the receipents. I know that God is near and he will see me through this trying time but I am still so desperate for his peace. I need to slow down, take time to breathe, but my heart aches for Emily and I long for the days when we are back on track amazing everyone with our steady progress. The NICU nurses are amazing, gentle and kind, but they are not her mother. I need to be there with her, sitting by her isolet, holding her tiny hand, spending time with her skin to skin and loving on her. I need so badly for her to come home and she needs so badly to stay where she can grow and get stronger. Please pray for me to find God's peace and comfort. Pray that my blood pressure will stabilize and pray for my thyroid sono that is scheduled for later this week... I'm not sure I can handle too much more on my plate right now! Kidney stones and gallbladder with Lila, thyroid issues and depression with Emily... having a baby is so much fun!

Ugh!!! Okay so my entries are out of order... it should have been the one week old post and then an update from Mimi. I don't know how to get them back in sequential order. Sorry for the confusion!

Un update from Mimi

This afternoon, (Sunday) Samantha and I left Lila with Wayne, and went to the hospital to visit Emily. This morning they had taken out the oxygen tubes, and Emily is doing great breathing on her own! This is the first praise of the day!
After feeding her, the nurse told us if we had brought clothes to go ahead and play dress up - we were on our own! She actually walked away and left us all by ourselves!!
Thus the second praise of the day!
Samantha changed Emily's diaper, then we dressed her in an outfit Aunt Summer and Uncle B got for her. She looked so adorable!! We CAREFULLY took her out of the omnibed - I promise this is the name of her pricey little environment - and held her and took lots of pictures. This isn't so hard, except for making sure all the wires are where they should be and not tangled. Emily slept the whole time we were playing with her! The monitors went off a couple of times, but though it excited me a little, Emily's nurse said everything was fine! She also told us we are beginning a long spell where hopefully there will be no daily news flash and Emily will just be hanging out in the NICU, eating and growing.
Things we learned today:
Emily can breathe on her own!
She doesn't like her diaper changed, but doesn't mind being dirty, either!
We learned that Emily's daily caloric intake is 22!
Emily looks good in white.
Most of the preemie clothes we bought are huge, but Emily does have one outfit she can wear right now.
Emily now weighs 3lbs, 8oz.
The next step in a day or two will be to see how Emily does in a regular NICU unit that doesn't automatically control the temperature for her.
Emily's progress continues to amaze us. It seems whenever they tell us she will progress to a new step in a few days or in a week, Emily reaches her goal in one day or two. As Samantha has expressed, we are in awe of His faithfullness to hear and give Emily not only what she needs, but in abundance. We are so very thankful.
Pray for Emily to continue to grow and gain weight and stay healthy and safe.
Please continue to pray for all of us.
This scripture has a profound new meaning to me:
"Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary."
Pray specifically for all of us to gain new stregnth each night so that we can run each day and not become weary.

Love, Judy

A Minor Setback for Mom...

As my dear sweet friend Krissi so adequately said, 'As mothers we think we can run forever; the truth is... our heart will, but our body does run out of gas.' My body ran out of gas faster than I was willing to admit and I was readmitted to the hospital yesterday afternoon due to high blood pressure. I have been trying so hard ever since last Thursday when this nightmare began to be the best mommy I could to both of my girls. I was extremely frustrated by this setback but tolerated the bed rest and labwork (remember I am a VERY difficult stick and once again had to have my finger sliced in order to get blood for labs). Hospitalization meant I could once again be a short walk to my little sweet pea. I was discharged this evening on the condition that I come home, take an ambien and rest but I find myself right back on the computer because I know that Emily's steady progress is due to the many prayers going up on her behalf from all over the world. Please know that Wayne and I will never be able to thank you all enough for all the prayers, love and support we have felt this past week. I am overcome with emotion and can't hold back my tears as I rejoice in God's bountiful blessings and protection. It is not by mere coincidence that he has blessed us with each and every one of you, our faithful friends and prayer warriors.

Emily has had an excellent day. I visited with her for several hours this morning and got to hold her for about an hour and a half. She had one brady but her heart rate only dropped to 71 and she recovered very quickly. Of course I was terrified but grateful to see that she was stable again after only a few seconds. She had a total of six episodes today but only three qualified as actual bradys. Three of those times she was able to stabilize on her own in less than five seconds. I was able to kangaroo care with her again this afternoon for another hour and a half and took full advantage of that time to kiss her little head! Wayne kangarooed with her yesterday so he let me have a turn today but was quick to let me know tomorrow was his turn again! I am so proud of her and give God all the glory for her continued strength. She is now up to half an ounce each feeding and tolerating her milk well. She weighs in at 3 lbs. 5 oz. today and is holding steady. Yesterday her bilirubin number was down so they stopped the light therapy. This morning it had gone up half a point but she will not have to go back 'to the beach' just yet... it's another one of those wait, watch and see things. Hopefully tomorrow it will be back down. Again, this is really the least of concerns on a long list of obstacles Emily needs to overcome. The fancy bed that she is in does most of the work for her so that her little body can focus on gaining weight. Her body temperature, oxygen level and breathing are all being controlled for her at this point so that she can use all of her energy on growing. Even with all the progress she is still a very sick little girl and I have to keep reminding myself of this fact. She looks so amazing, perfectly formed by our awesome maker, with ten of the smallest fingers and toes you've ever seen and the tiniest little button nose. She even takes after her Mimi right now with dark brown hair. It's the inside of her that still hasn't formed completely. She still lacks the muscles between her little ribs that help with her breathing and she missed out on a few weeks of rapid brain growth that now has to take place outside of the womb. Although she is doing amazingly well right now with all these early milestones, I am well aware that the journey may be long and setbacks may be lurking at every corner. Please continue to pray for our sweet baby girl. Pray that she will continue to grow and have a decrease ithe bradys. I think Wayne could use some prayers right now as well. He has been so strong for all of us and I can tell he is losing steam. Help us praise God for the gifts and blessings we have already received and pray for continued strength. I pray over her constantly and pray with such faith in our savior. I know that we need to ask as though He has already granted our request. I know that He will heal and restore little Emily. I know that this is just a page if not a mere paragraph of her life's story. I know that she will be home having tea parties with her big sister who loves her so much. Raising her to know God's love will be my life's work. I will tell her someday how much He loved her and how much He sustained her in her first few days, weeks, and months of life. She will someday be a diligent servant of his, just as each of you, and will do great things for her King. Thank you again for your prayers, calls, visits and encouraging emails. I am printing them off and making a book that she can read someday to fully understand the love that so many have for her and her family. Again Wayne and I feel so very blessed to be her parents. She is the icing on an already perfect cake!

Pictures of Our Sweet Pea...

Praise God!

God is so good! He just continues to bless us without ceasing! His love and protection are evident with each day that passes. My little Emily is now six days old and stronger than ever. We arrived at the hospital yesterday morning to find a surprise waiting for us in the NICU. Emily is now off her c-pap vent! My cup runneth over as I saw her beautiful little face peering up at me. I had only seen her for maybe five seconds in the operating room before they rushed her back to the NICU and had been longing to see that little face again ever since! It was hard to really see her little features with the c-pap and hat that held it in place. Now I could stare at her all day long and pretty much did just that! She has graduated to nasal canulas and hopefully won't be on them for very long. Her day nurse had quite a day readjusting them because Emily has her mind made up that she doesn't need them and has constantly pulled them out herself! While Wayne and I were visiting this afternoon we watched her pull them out of her nose and use them as a pacifier. I told you earlier she was a feisty one!

We have been blessed with wonderful doctors and nurses on the NICU staff so far but Emily's nurse yesterday has really been my favorite. She knows my need and longing to be near my baby. She seems to understand my desire to want to comfort and nurture my child while still feeling fear and hesitation about her tiny size. She reassured me that Emily does need me and knows when I am with her. Emily seems very alert when Wayne and I are with her and often opens her eyes and turns towards the sound of our voices. I had been told that I would not be able to hold her in kangaroo care until the central line in her belly button was removed, but today her nurse felt it was important for us both to spend some special time together and I got to hold her skin to skin. I sat with Emily like this for an hour and we both fell asleep... I will admit to being very sleep deprived lately! My emotions seem to keep me going round the clock and sleep has not come easy, but today holding little Emily felt like the most natural, peaceful thing and it wasn't long before I was dozing off with her in my arms. It must have sent Emily back to more familiar times as well hearing my heartbeat, breathing, etc. because her monitors had never looked better the whole time I held her! Wayne was a little weary of trying it yesterday but after a little nagging and a few nudges has promised to give it a try today. Emily's night nurse told us that most Dads feel this way at first but once they try it they end up doing it everyday! I can't tell you how wonderful it was to hold her, smell her and kiss her little face!

Now, we've been told over and over again the past several days that you can never trust a preemie and so along with all the good comes a little bad. Emily's bilirubin numbers went up so we are spending some time in photo therapy. This is really no big deal, in fact a lot of full term babies have jaundice and require some time under the lights. Emily doesn't like it and seems to be a bit restless but it's only for a few days. She basically just lays under a really bright light so the pigment in her skin can be broken down and eliminated through her wet and dirty diapers. It's like taking a mini vacation to the beach... she even has these goggles she has to wear to protect her eyes. We were joking about how fashionable they were and Wayne promised to buy her some better sunglasses someday and the nurse told us they cost about the same as two pairs of Oakley sunglasses... it seems we've got top of the line baby goggles now!

Yesterday was such a good day. It started out with a great surprise and Wayne and I are overjoyed and so proud of the progress Emily has made. She really is holding steady and right now just knowing that is what we need to sustain us through these difficult days. Emily has continued to have a few episodes with apnea and there has been some talk about measures that may need to be put in place in order to help resolve these bradys. We may be starting a caffeine IV or going back to the c-pap. I called last night to check on Emily before going to bed and started missing her all over again so Mom drove me up there to be with her for her eleven o'clock feeding. I held her and fed her and then convinced Mom to hold her for the first time (she's been nervous about her tiny size and the entourage of wires and monitors). Mom held her for a long time while we talked with the nurse and then Emily had a brady. A bad one. I watched the monitor as her heart rate went from 156 to 50 in less than five seconds. The nurse really had to work, thumping Emily's feet, in order to get her to take a breath. It was really scary for Mom and I... we had heard that earlier that day Emily had to be picked up during a brady and turned over in order to remember to breathe... seeing it first hand really rattled us. I know this is something that will only get better as Emily grows. I constantly am reminded that she shouldn't be here now... she should have had ten more weeks to grow and develop safely inside me. She's premature and her little body is not capable of working like a full term baby. She needs patience and time to catch up. Those are the two hardest things for me to give her. I want her healthy right now and don't like the thought of having to wait ten weeks to get there. Thus the peaks and valleys... a good day off c-pap, a bad day of bradys... praise and elation over the good and frustration with the waiting. I guess tonight we all need prayers. For Emily, continued steady progress and a decline in bradys. For me, patience and strength to get through the highs and lows which I am learning can change with a five second brady. As always though I praise God that Emily could be born at thirty weeks and be as strong and healthy as she is... the fact that she is even here is a miracle in and of itself. There is no limit to what God can do and he will see us through this... I just need to lean on him and trust that his perfect timing is all I want.

I forgot to mention that Emily had her first bath today, and is now wearing a cute little bow! You know a girl is never too young to accessorize!!

Emily Update

The three hardest things I have ever done in my life.... 1) bringing Lila into this world, 2) bringing Emily into this world, 3) leaving my sweet Emily in the NICU for this second phase of our long, emotional journey. I'm home. I was discharged yesterday and finally willed myself to muster up enough courage to leave her in the caring, capable hands of the NICU staff around six o'clock last night. It was so very hard and cried unconsolably for almost an hour but felt better once I got home to Lila. She has been showered with love and spoiled by her Mimi, Papa,, Aunt Summer, Uncle B and cousins for the past several days but you could see all over her face how excited and relieved she was to have Wayne and I back home with her. I think it will be good for all of us to have some normalcy and routine back to our days and nights. I'm sorry we haven't been doing a better job at keeping everyone up to date on Emily's progress but everything so far has been so overwhelming. I just have been concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one hour at a time remembering to breath and that Emily is in God's loving hands. He will sustain her and has sent an army of angels to keep watch over her. I will try to send out emails as often as I can so that all of you will be able to pray for our specific prayer requests. We know that God is in control and we feel his love and mercy surrounding us. He has always been so faithful and good to us and this is yet another shining example of the love he has for our family.

Emily is stunningly beautiful and reminds Wayne and I so much of Lila. We haven't had a really good look at her face because of the c-pap and hat she must wear for her oxygen but she takes after her sister in so many ways. She is spunky and is already showing signs of a willfull personality! She has her Daddy's fingers and toes... her little feet are my favorite... smaller than the size of my thumb with ten teeny, tiny little toes. I've heard that she has some hair and Mom and I got to have a quick look at her the other night without her c-pap hat and I really think she has more than Lila did when she was born... you all know how exciting that is for me since it has taken Lila far too long to grow what little bit she has now. All her nurses joke about her fiesty attitude and personality. For as small as she is, she certainly has no problem letting you know when she's mad or uncomfortable! Her little cry makes my heart rejoice... for that cry reminds me she is here and doing well.

We are allowed to be with her twenty four hours a day but are encouraged to interact with her only during "touch time", every three hours when they reposition her, take her vitals, change her diaper, and feed her. She is so very small and at first it was difficult to touch her in fear that she would hurt at the slightest touch but we have gotten really good at taking her temperature and changing her diapers. Wayne is better at the diapers than I but we're both slowly and surely getting accoustomed to her size and needs. Her x-rays each morning show her holding steady. They are still hazy but right now we are in a watch and wait state. There isn't anything too alarming showing up that would require action at this time. She has lost weight which was to be expected, and now comes in just under 3 lbs. 5 oz. Yesterday they increased her volume of milk from 4 ccs to 6 ccs and only once after a feeding had they found she did not digest all her intake. They have also started a lipids drip which is basically just nutrients and calories to fatten her up a bit. Because of the c-pap in her nose she has a feeding tube that goes down her throat and straight into her stomach. She gets her milk through a syringe in which gravity forces the milk through the tube. Occasionally they have to help push the milk through the tube just to speed up the process. Once we get off the c-pap the feeding tube will be put in her nose allowing her more comfort and easier use of her paci. She LOVES her paci and we are encouraged by this because it should help when we get to bottle feeds hopefully in three weeks. Our purple paci is the favorite at the moment... grape flavored... which Mimi gets a kick out of! Yesterday morning she went down to a c-pap setting of four and has done a marvelous job at holding steady with that. She still has moments of rapid breathing but the change in c-pap settings is an answered prayer. Her oxygen levels are still inconsistent but most of the time she is only requiring 21% which is equivalent to the level of room air. She had a little difficulty yesterday maintaining her body temperature but her bed is still providing her body with the temperature she needs so she doesn't have to work so hard to stay warm enough on her own. We were told late Sunday night not to be surprised if she had to have light therapy for a few days due to her belly ribbon number being high but after a sleepless night for me I wandered down to the NICU to sit with her around four Monday morning and was told her numbers had gone down so no light therapy as of yet. I praise God for these little blessings for I know there are peaks and valleys in our future. We will have highs and lows, good news and bad but we will make it. Emily has already proven to be a fighter and God's faithfulness has never been greater.

There are no new blood gases ordered much to my delight! She is a hard stick, like her mama, and very bruised up from all the work to establish an IV and from the blood draws each morning. Her IV failed after the second day. The vein it was in collapsed and infultrated causing her arm to swell and burned the sensitive skin on her hand. They didn't have success finding a new vein so they were forced to put in a central line. I am very happy they were able to go in through her belly button as opposed to her scalp as this will keep Emily from further discomfort from needles. The central line makes getting her meds easy and painless. Now future blood gases will come from a prick in her foot, still not fun but will give her little hands and arms a much needed break. The central line will keep us from holding her skin to skin (kangaroo care) but we have been able to hold her twice now all bundled up in blankets making sure she stays warm. That has truly been the best medicine for me! The first time we got to hold her for an hour as long as she handled it well... she did great and I held my baby for fifty minutes before realizing I needed to let her Daddy have a turn! Wayne was and has been so patient knowing that I needed so badly to hold my little angel and nuture her as any mother needs. Wayne has been our rock... trying so hard to meet the needs of all his girls. I couldn't have made it through the past four days without him! And I have let him hold Emily for a few minutes each time we are allowed! :) Yesterday before we left her they let us hold her for almost two hours. She slept in my arms most of the time but had a few alert periods when we opened her eyes at the sound of our voices and looked at us very intently. She was so calm and peaceful. The only time she fussed was when we had to leave and they took her away from us.

The only menacing thing I have to report today is the set backs with bradys. A brady is when Emily has apnea and forgets to breathe. Her heart rate gets too low and she forgets to breathe for five seconds or longer. These are very common with preemies and to be expected. She had been having them about once a day but had four yesterday alone and another one during the night. When she has a brady her alarms go off and the nurses rush to her bedside to stimulate her back to breathing again. Sometimes it's just a tap on her enclosed bed that gets her remembering to breath, other times they have to nudge her with a little touch. I know there is little explanation needed for you to know how very frightening this is for us. I am boldly asking God, knowing he will hear my prayer, to correct what needs fixing so we can stop having these bradys. I know they are expected and she will probably have more but the mere fact that we are having them more often is disheartening and hard to take. Please pray for an increase in her heart rate so the bradys will stop. Pray also for her breathing and oxygen levels to stay the same. Hopefully soon we will get rid of the c-pap and be on nose canulas. I can't wait for that day so I can see her little face!

We have so appreciated each prayer, call, visit,, hug, flower arrangement and piece of chocolate! Thank you all for loving us and our little sweet pea! She is doing as well as can be expected. I love her so much and am so blessed and grateful to be her mommy. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. They are working!

All our love,
Wayne, Samantha, Lila, and Emily

Emily Summer Allen

Emily Summer Allen
born
March 16, 2007
12:42 pm
3 lbs. 11oz.
16 3/4"

God is so good and loving and faithful! Emily is holding her own and doing much better than expected. We have a long hard road ahead of us, looking at a stay of ten weeks in the NICU, but I praise God for our answered prayers and know if we lean on him he will sustain us.

My sister is one of my most favorite people in the world, aside from Wayne, Lila, and Emily of course, so naturally when I found out I was having another baby girl I had to name her after my sister. My sister and I are so close and I so wanted a sister for Lila. Summer is such a great example of the servants we should be for our Lord. She is a woman of amazing faith. I hope Emily will be too! I love the thought of honoring special people in your life by naming your children after them. They become a legacy of wonderful, faithful, loving stewards. Lila Seanne is named after my Grandmother, a woman of amazing grace who shows Gods love to all she encounters, now Emily Summer after my dear sweet sister!

The long story short!

Last Wednesday as I was continuing to monitor my blood pressure at home every four hours I started getting extremely high readings, like 169/105. I should have called my doctor right away but thought it was maybe a fluke and knew I was going to her office the next day to pick up some things for lab work so I rested and waited. The next day in her office my blood pressure was so high they ordered me over to Labor and Delivery where I was given steriods and put on a magnesium drip praying all along my baby girl would be able to stay inside me where she was safe. My prayers were answered, not in the way I had hoped, but in the best way for my baby the next morning when a sonogram showed signs we were in trouble. I was given a second dose of steriods and we waited three hours in hopes she would get what she needed for the best shot at lung maturity. I took a deep breath drawing comfort from the fact that we had three things on our side... hypertension in pregnancy which helps speed lung development, a baby girl (Caucasian girls do well when arriving early), and steriods. We held our breath and welcomed our little one ten weeks early!

Getting Ready For Sister!

Okay, so recently we have been getting out all the baby things getting ready for sister's arrival. Lila has decided to reconnect with old interests. The bassinet is now a great place for all her dolls and bears, and they must wear a newborn diaper (perfect size for a few of them), and be covered up with a soft blankie. The swing is back in use... we just couldn't wait for Daddy to put that together! The bouncy chair makes a comfy spot for watching her favorite movies, and the paci is back!! We haven't been interested in our paci for over a year but now its our new favorite thing! Will we be able to share all these oldies but goodies when our new sister, the REAL baby, arrives?? Fun times ahead I'm sure!!

It's been a while... a long while!

Okay so it's official... I'm not the best blogger out there! I haven't posted since Novemeber? Really? It's been that long? I wish I had a really good excuse for my absence but I don't! I could use the whole pregnant excuse but most of you know I've been on bed rest off and on for a good part of this pregnancy and bed rest does mean lots of time on your hands. Oh well, it doesn't matter.. I am posting now and promise not to let months go by before my next post!

The count down has officially begun for baby sister to arrive! My doctor seems to think she might be here as early as eight weeks from now. Hallelujah! We all know I don't do the pregnant thing well and can't wait for her to be here so we can praise God for another blessing despite the difficult journey! I can't wait to see how Lila reacts to her new sister. She has always loved her babies and is really sweet to them. I love to watch her wrap them up in blankets, feed them their baby bottles, and put them up on her shoulder to pat them as if she is burping them. We usually finish the whole routine with a big kiss... it really is so cute! I just hope we are as sweet with the real thing!

The other day I got out all of Lila's preemie and newborn clothes and am having a hard time remembering her that small. Seventeen months later we are really a toddler now but I still think of her as my little baby. Seeing all those tiny clothes makes me realize she's not really a baby anymore! The pictures I posted are of Lila when she was a few weeks old and now as a toddler! It is amazing how much and how fast they grow! I hope the next twenty years don't go this fast!!