I Don't Want to Be Afraid

Well, now it is August 22 of the year 2021. We are living through a pandemic. Life has been interesting. Tomorrow my kids return to school after staying home to learn virtually since spring break almost a year and a half ago. Wow. Just typing that sentence seems unreal, yet it is true. Tomorrow, Lila starts her sophmore year, Emily right behind her as a freshman, and Abigail brings up the rear in fourth grade. I think we are all a little anxious tonight. It's been a while and the world is still very different from when we left for Spring Break in 2020. We are currently in another covid surge so the kids are returning under a temporary mask mandate. Lila and Emily have both been vaccinated, but it is not yet available for children under the age of twelve. School is a finicky thing in the best of times for a child with severe food allergies and EoE.. I don't yet know how covid will complicate matters. But I know that I don't want to fear the circumstances and not allow the good that God will work into this situation. He goes before us, He stands beside us, and He always has our back. There are many unknowns for the upcoming school year but what I know for sure is that He is for us and He is with us. I don't want to be afraid, so onward we trudge. In the morning, I will smile through my unease. I will send my kids off with reassurances and speak their name in prayer until they return to me at the end of the school day. It's okay to be nervous, and if a few tears fall - that's okay as well. We will cry but do the thing anyway. God's promises are true. He is faithful and will see us through the storm. "God is within her, she will not fall." Psalm 46:5

Don't Look Back!

A couple of weeks ago on KLOVE they asked, 'If you had a travel machine would you go back or forward?' Immediately I thought, BACK! Back to when my girls were babies. I miss them terribly, sometimes my heart aches for those sweet days when we didn't do much but stay home and play. Life was simple and I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me. Now, it's chaos. Fun chaos, but still a lot of running around, school, homework, projects, practice, games, after school clubs, boredom, and devices! And the pre-teen drama is alive and well. I pray their Dad and I survive the teenage years with three girls in the house. I wouldn't change a single thing.. I love watching them grow and accomplish new goals and milestones. I love the young ladies they are becoming, but still my heart longs to hold their tiny baby selves again, kiss those sweet cheeks and tickle their baby toes. But then, the guy on the radio said, '..but you've already lived it and hopefully lived it well.' YES! Good point! Reminds me of a quote Aunt Summer posted on Instagram a while back- "Don't look back, it's not where you're going." Very wise words. Having just recently celebrated Granddaddy and Nana's heavenly homecoming I think this quote could not be more true. Life is a race we are running. We get tired and weary and are mindful of times when things were easier, simpler, and the race wasn't so hard with distractions at every turn, but we have to keep our eye on the prize and run our hearts out with the hope of victory at the finish line. So, yes, those days were precious. They will forever be carried in my heart and cherished for the treasure and gift they were, but I'm looking forward. I'm moving forward. I don't want a time machine as life is already flying by, but my eyes are set on Jesus and I am running to Him, holding the hands of my three beautiful girls as we run!

Fast Forward

Wow! Last post was a little over 5 short years ago! Funny how five years can seem like very little time, but as I sit here today so much has changed.. new city, new DAUGHTER, new job (I'm back at work teaching preschool part time), everyone is in school, and life is busier than ever. Blogging seems like a thing of the past, but I stumbled upon it the other day and love how it gives little snapshots of the mundane memories that get lost as the minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years pile on. Social Media has exploded today.. facebook, twitter, Instagram.. so many ways to keep up (or see if you're measuring up)with friends and old acquaintances. It's fun, but has it's negative aspects (like the latter I mentioned above) so I thought it would be fun to come back to an oldie but goodie and start blogging again. My sincere hope is that everyone is so wrapped up in other medias that this little blog will fly under the radar and be a private place of reflection for me.. and maybe something fun the girls will want to read, some bored day when they are older. So, here's to blogspot.. Thanks for having me back! Lila got glasses over the summer. She is so cute in them, but I'm finding it interesting how quickly our mental image of someone changes. When she first got them she looked so different, it took time to get used to seeing glasses on that sweet face, but after about a week when I would see her first thing in the morning or right before bed she looked so strange without them, something was missing. She's still the same sweet girl I love with every fiber of my being, she just looks a bit different. She just started her first day of Fifth Grade yesterday.. my Rooney, a 5th grader.. again, another reminder of how quickly time flies. Walking her into school yesterday morning she was her usual first day of school bundle of nerves. Her lip started quivering when we got in the car for the short drive there. I used the whole drive to fill her up with reassurances and blessings.. reminding her that God goes before her and she is never alone. I was wishing that my girls could see themselves as I see them. I wish they knew the strength and courage that I know is in there. The phrase "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." from Winnie the Pooh is one I borrow for them a lot, but it got me thinking... I imagine my loving, protective, encouraging, supportive God was looking down on me at that moment and nodding His head in agreement. What I feel for my kids is just a small sliver of what God feels for us. What a wonderful, truly remarkable thing to be loved like this by our King. For the promise of Glory. That is the one thing I cannot fail at as a parent.. my girls must know Jesus. Without Him they will literally be lost. I need for them to know Him. Love Him with every bit of themselves and be warriors for Him on this earth. I like the idea that Jesus is like a pair of glasses we put on each morning, first thing when we wake up so we can see things clearly. And that we would physically look like something was missing if we forgot to grab Him in the morning. He should be like that for us.. His light should shine through my every word and action. I love that Lila wears glasses now and I hope seeing her visual transformation each morning will remind me to grab my Jesus so that I can see the world clearly each day as well. She's only 10 years old and yet she teaches me new things daily... see how brave and strong and smart you are, my dear? I love you Rooney!

My Bubble Bath Blues Dancers!

Still haven't had a chance to look at the rehearsal video, but here are the pictures we took of our girls on recital day! Remember, no pictures were allowed in the auditorium...
PRE-SHOW PICTURES
My little dancers before the show...

Do you notice Emily has a side ponytail? Shame on me... but she was cranky and I couldn't resist a little rule breaking at that point.. I had tried to do everything by the book up to that point, and still been yelled at so.. why not? Intentional bad behavior is never a good thing.. except maybe in this particular case? : )

The big performance didn't phase Emily a bit!

Lila, on the other hand was a little apprehensive. No surprise there.. maybe she was worried about Emily's side ponytail.. Ha!

'Don't worry Sister, I'll be dancing right next to you and I could care less if my hair doesn't match the other dancers..'

POST-SHOW PICTURES
This is my 'Hurry Daddy' face... the first one in about fifteen where both girls are kinda looking at the camera and Mommy looks silly! Typical!

Flowers and Trophies!

Emily was so proud of herself.. and we were proud of her too!

Daddy and Dancers..

Sweet Lila Girl!

Daddy and Doodle..

Daddy and Rooney..

Very Silly Girl! Love her so much!

Dance Lessons!

Lila and Emily just finished up their year in dance with a recital. Now good or bad.. sometimes both.. my personality is such that whatever I take on I want to do well.. it's just how the good Lord made me! So I think I surprised myself with how nonchalant I was about the whole dance routine/recital thing... or maybe I was surprised at how seriously some of the other moms took this whole thing!

So, now that it's over we can reflect on the whole experience here is what I walk away having learned from dance..
1) Each dancer is unique and great in their own way... I think I may have mentioned this before.. some dancers may be dainty and graceful and others just like to have FUN.. I love both approaches the same and wouldn't change my bull in a china shop for anything... but, let me also say, as her loving mother, she did get a lot better towards the end of the year!
2) Dance is obviously a very big deal to some people.. not that this is a bad thing.. just not a big deal to everyone, i.e. ME!
3) Stage Moms really do exist!
4)I am clearly not one of them.. I could care less how my children perform... just as long as they have fun. We don't practice at home everyday and I don't stand off to the side to show my disapproval if they don't smile big enough, tap on beat, or keep up with the music!
5) If the studio wants you to put make-up on your sweet little four and five year olds for pictures, rehearsal and performance.. just do it... not worth upsetting so many stage moms over!
6) All instructions for costume, hair style, make-up and polishing of tap shoes must be followed to a T... don't you dare even think about that pony tail not being on the TOP of your daughter's head.. even an inch lower WILL be noticed!
7) Never, Never, Ever forget to put the gloves/arm things on your kids before they line up for the dress rehearsal! NEVER EVER! You will surely pay for this with a lashing of words by the stgae director.. and if you should find yourself in this situation, cover your little one's ears at the first hint that things are going south.. too bad I only had two hands and four ears to cover!
8) If your spirited child gets a run in her tights, make sure you buy a replacement pair from the dance studio.. even if you buy a replacement pair at Target and Payless, they still won't match and one shade off can certainly send those serious dance people over the edge! Dance is very expensive when it is all said and done.. tuition, costumes, recital fees, pictures, videos, makes my head swim.. and you really don't want to tack on an extra $20 for tights they will never wear again!
9) On the day of the recital, don't count on following directions as being the right thing to do. If one group of teachers tell you to stay with your children until they line up for their performance resist the temptation to obey... the whole auditorium just may be waiting for that seat your husband is saving for you to be filled before the show can start. So, by following the directions you are given, you take the risk of unknowingly delaying the performance because the fire marshall won't let anyone else in, per code, and your husband is still saving that seat third row from the front that must be filled before the kids can dance! This is probably the biggest lesson because, trust me, you will be SO embarassed when you walk in and the man on the stage with the mic heckles you in front of everyone for holding up the show. Forget about all those children with nervous, excited energy back in the gym waiting for their turn to perform with only two people to watch them.. don't think about those metal bleachers folded in the corner that they are letting kids in slippery dance shoes climb all over... erase the memory of your little one spending one whole hot summer in a cast and fearing it may happen again.. just sit in your seat and smile as you choke on all the ugly things you could 'heckle' back to the man with the mic on the stage! Just smile and enjoy the show until someone stands up in front of you to get a better look at their child performing and you have to miss out again! : )

So many things learned... and not just for the children learning to dance! IF we ever get brave enough to take on dance again I will try so much harder! For now, I'd just be happy with a t-shirt that says, "I survived the Dance Recital!" Seriously!
I won't be able to post their performance because no cameras were allowed in the auditorium and they made it perfectly clear with signs posted every few feet that you would be escorted out of the show if caught taking pictures.. still or video. We were allowed to video the rehearsal, but I haven't looked at it yet to see if it is post worthy.. there was one mom who thought it was more important to capture her dancer above anyone else, so she planted herself right up ON THE STAGE in front of my little dancers just so she could get the perfect angle of her little star! No, I'm not bitter or anything... but, maybe I should just go ahead and post that video of her derriere on the internet for all to see... Can you tell this is big a pet peeve of mine. Same thing happened at Lila's 'graduation' from preschool... you get there early so you will have a good seat, thus good pictures and then crowds of parents practically come sit in your lap during the one part you've been waiting to see, to get their picture.. why bother getting there early? Get there right as it starts, sit in the back rows and then just push your way up to the front and plop down in front of the people who got there early so they could get good pictures... I mean, of course your little one is so much more important than their's right? Why would we want a picture of our kid? Don't people take others into consideration?!? Okay, off the soap box! Pictures soon to follow!

Fun at the Farm - December

Growing up in the Rio Grande Valley no one was ever surprised by my Dad's occupation. I never even thought it rare that my Dad was a farmer until I went to ACU, and for the first time in my life noticed confusion on faces when my Dad's line of work came up in conversation.
"Do you like live on a farm with cows and chickens?"
No, my Dad grows crops... cotton, sugar cane, grain, corn (now he has horses and the cows were added in the last year)but at the time it was just crops.
"Did you have to get up early and do chores before school?"
No, I lived in a house just like you, except when my Dad went to work his 'office' was acres, and acres, and acres of land instead of your typical desk job... although that is a big part of the farming operation as well.
"Were you a cowgirl?" This one still makes me laugh... No, I am not a country girl AT ALL.. didn't even own a pair of boots until a few years ago.. seriously.

I still get this on occasion, maybe because I live in a big city and people just don't have a lot experience with farming, but I am no longer defensive about it as maybe I once was. I am so proud of my Dad... no man stands taller in my eyes. He grew up on this land and knows it like the back of his hand, which is impressive because it's a big farm! :) I wish my kids could grow up experiencing more of this life, of this land, that has blessed my family in so many ways... of the lessons in hard work, and bounty. Imagine planting row after row of seeds and watching them grow into beautiful fields of cotton, or sugar cane that grows several feet over your head, acres of grain in that pretty redish brown color... it amazes me. And not just the idea of watching these beautiful fields grow from a tiny seed under your watch, but the relationship that a farmer most certainly has to have with God, the author and creator of all things... that trust and faith that we all strive for each day is almost a requirement in farming. You really learn firsthand that He does make all things beautiful.. a field of dry dirt becomes a sea of white cotton, or grain that is both hearty and delicate at the same time. And the fact that in farming there are no guarantees.. you tend your crops with the same hope, hard work and vigor each year and never know if you will reap a bumper crop or lose it all in a hurricane. I know I am lacking in the patience and optimism required in this line of work... oh, the lessons the Lord would surely teach me! I have no illusions that my Dad and brother would probably paint a very different picture when it comes to farming and the stress that is in involved, but what a labor of love and how I admire them for doing it so well!

I've never worked the land at Dad's farm.. I did work in the office a few summers when I was home from college, but that doesn't really count.. but there is something about that farm that definitely calls me. I think maybe only a farmer's daughter can truly love and appreciate the smell of the cotton gin in the late summer.. my girls get so excited when the palm trees start to line the interstate as we get close to Mimi and Papa's house.. that is their 'coming home moment' but mine is just a little further down, right outside of town, when I breathe in the scent of the cotton gin and feel in my heart like I'm home.

The farm is something I have certainly taken for granted in my life, but the older I get the more connected I feel to this land. It has been such a big part of my family for three generations now. I guess that happens to all of us as we grow older.. that nostalgia with childhood memories... or maybe it is that I am realizing my own girls are growing up with very different experiences. I don't want them to miss out on the sights and sounds of the heavy machinery in harvest time, or the tractor rides just for fun, the excitement of riding in a trailer filled high with cotton, throwing it up and watching it fall like snow. It's those easy, simple things in life that I want them to grow up remembering. So, the past few times I have been home it has become important for me to visit the farm while we are down at my parents house. I want my girls to know it, feel connected to it, and appreciate it as I do. Of course now it's even more fun for this fourth generation with the horses to ride and all those pretty brauma's to feed... and we're looking forward to seeing the baby calves really soon! It's a special gift that I hope my children will carry with them long after their childhood is over.

So, on to the pictures and the HORSES, no surprise that this is my oldest daughter's favorite part! If only I had a dollar for every time Lila asks about her Papa's horses.. I'd have myself a very nice chunk of change to play with! : )





And gotta give the cows some lovin'... I think the brauma is the beauty queen in the cow family... aren't they so pretty?



Rosie Roo... Seriously. Could she be any cuter? Oh.My.Goodness.. just seeing her picture makes her Aunt Sam miss her soooo much!!

Rosie Roo, Do you have any idea how much I love you? Sweet little munchkin!

Happy Fifth (Gulp!) Birthday Lila!

Back in SEPTEMBER, Lila turned five... FIVE! How can it be?!?

Lila,
On your birthday this year you picked Celebration Park as your celebration destination.. good choice! You and Emily had so much fun playing on the playground and running through the splash pad. I loved sitting back and watching you play, admiring you, thinking about how much you have grown, and taking a few moments to sit in gratefulness for the blessing of you - such an amazing, sweet daughter!







I can't believe how fast the past five years have gone.. my heart skips a beat just trying to keep up with you! I wrote you the words from my heart last night in your journal.. the collection of my love letters for you.. so you will have to read your official birthday letter there, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to blog about this, your fifth, and probably biggest year yet!



This really is such a big year for you.. I finally let go, just a little bit, and sent you off to preschool! You have been in school for a couple of weeks now and I can already tell that you love it! I know you will have so much fun and learn so many new things, it's just hard for this Mommy who loves you SO MUCH to admit that you are finally ready to spread your wings a little and have your first big school adventure without me! It is only two days a week, but already I feel such a void in my days... I think about you all the time and can't help but wonder what you are doing at that very same moment you are filling my heart and my thoughts. I miss you so much when you are not with me!




But, today is your birthday and I can't help but smile when I look back through the images I captured of your special day!



You are beautiful... truly from the inside out. You are pretty timid around most people. It takes you a good long while to feel completely comfortable around them before you open up and they finally get to see my Rooney. I struggle in my prayers for you between wanting you to find more of your voice and grow in independence and wanting to keep you, the sweet, perfect you, exactly as you are, and all to myself! :) Truthfully, I know that God made you exactly as you are, and who can argue with that! So even in you never find that voice, know that you are perfect in the eyes of your Mommy and Daddy and Father in Heaven. 'Jesus knows me, this I love.' You are so joyful. So much fun to be around. You laugh easily and it's contagious. You are so, so sweet and still a Mommy's Girl which I love, love, love! I adore you little one..absolutely adore you!

Lila's 'Horse' Party

Every Cowgirl Needs a Horse! At least that is what Nellie Sue says in Lila's all time favorite book, Every Cowgirl Needs a Horse, by Rebecca Janni. Nellie Sue asks for a horse for her birthday, but she gets a bike instead! At first she isn't too keen on ridin' a horse with wheels where hooves ought to be but in no time at all, Nellie Sue loves 'Beauty', her 'horse', with the bright pink saddle (bike seat) and pale pink mane (bike streamers). After reading this book that Mimi and Papa found for Lila, the idea for our party was clear... we invited our fellow cowgirls and cowboys to saddle up their horses and meet us at the park so we could groom, gallop around, race, and giddy-up around the pasture!

It rained the morning of the party but stopped just in time... my sidewalk chalk birthday art needed a few touch ups, but no big deal... rain can't stop these wild horses! The kids all got bandanas when they arrived, but it SO HUMID that I think they got handed off to the parents real quick.. too hot to wear something tied around your neck! We read the story, and then spent some time grooming our beloved stallions... we attached bike streamers to our handlebars, bike spokes to our wheels, and personalized Texas license/bike plates to our saddles... seats! Then we cantered, galloped and skeedaddled like the wind in a few bike races. No belt buckles for winners, but everybody did get a medal to show off their extraordinary riding skills!






Next it was time to hitch up the horses and hit the feed... cake and ice cream, cold drinks from the water trough, perfect cowgirl grub!


Happy Birthday to you Sweet Cowgirl! Giddy-Up, Blow out them candles real quick!


The kids enjoyed their johnnycake..

Party Favors..



Think the parents will still be my friends after I send home with cowbells?! : )

Presents...




The perfect party for my adorable cowgirl! We love you Lila Rooney! Yee-Haw!